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Should I stay or Should I…

Sometimes I find my self in my own private Wonderland. It’s a place of Whys, Ifs & Maybes… Where the sun is cold & wind of change never stops. The precariously unstable future shines mysteriously far away… An imaginary cross-road, a unique moment in time when all seems possible…The chance of making a right move and decide about our future adventures in the ocean of life. Imagine a sweet Bloody Marry with the spice of unknown & exciting.

Detox time

Doesn’t really matter whats happening in your life, how old & busy you are. An overwhelming feeling of the NEED 4 CHANGE just becomes your reality, and your mind demands a time off. In my humble opinion a time for your self is as much important as a personal hygiene and that we do everyday (at least we should :D yuck). It may bring a new perspective. Like a look in the mirror. We all need that time & quiet. Not being concerned about feelings of others or your social responsibilities. Lets call it a Soul Detox! Although some people may disappear, from your life, while you detoxify. Well they weren’t worth it than… so don’t worry about them.

Feelings of desperation

I used to think it’s a depression or some bullshit like that. A feeling of gloominess somewhere deep inside, like a little monster crawls from a deepest part of the heart. After a years of guilt, I finally accepted that part of my personality. Some people may call it “arty moods” others “melancholia” or such a popular world “depression”, I like Soul Detox :). It was always a part of me and it’s often also productive & creative period, so why fight it? Taking these thoughts & feelings out of your head and placing them on a piece of paper in writing or drawing, has a quite positive effects.

Possibilities are endless

If darkness comes over… Instead of drowning your self in dark waters of depression, despair & self-pity concentrate on the options you have and on possible outcomes of your decisions. What is the point of going into a dark forest and fight fire-breathing dragon if you don’t look for some treasure (or princess), ain’t? Fight! Life is worth it!

I’m a highly visual person (in case you hadn’t notice that yet :p) so I created a little Infographic* to help my imagination seeing all the facts & be more realistic. My dilemma was obvious – Should I stay or Should I go? Are these feelings of desperation real or just a mind-play?

  • Stay – The safety of old & well-known, simply letting go of things you can’t fix & concentrate on those you can! Is this a wise, grown-up thinking OR just a surrender? A fear of change & the unknown?
  • Go – Pack your stuff, walk away into a bright future & better tomorrows (And who says, that Communists dint give us anything positive? :)). Start over. Is it brave & strong OR just a chicken run. Well said – The grass is always greened on the other side, but people tend to forget that our personality comes with us, whenever we go…

Good friend once told me: “Go, if you want to go. If you don’t see anything for you here, just go. But don’t run in the hope of change & happiness. Its not a given at any place on Earth – that calm feeling of self-awareness & satisfaction is in your head! Running is not a solution, that must be found in your heart.” I wish I was able to act accordingly… If your soul is hungry for a change – running seems like the best option… but is it? Whatever you choose don’t forget to set a goal – as its hard to stop running when you don’t know where the hell is that finish line. :D

Thinking of the future…

…isn’t that our main worry most of the time? But what is the future? Does it really exists? After all, while we think the future is already our presence & the past. So whats the point of all that worrying about the future when it is maybe already behind us… We all think that tomorrow we will be better & faster. Act differently & wisely. Well tomorrow is today, so Just do it! No excuses! Our future truly is in our hands, we just can’t see it sometimes.

After all those melancholic songs, wet pillows & groaning its time to think this trough – do the maths, explore all those so-called “possibilities” you have. My decision is still unclear but after a little research, I’m quite glad I haven’t jump straight into the deep water of change. But what I DO know that I always choose to be happy! That reminds be about Coca Cola Campaign I’ve seen the other day – #ChooseHappiness. Cute ;)


Take your time in Wonderland – drink, sleep, cry, think, smoke, draw, sing, scream & think again… just remember that world don’t stop & life goes on. The solution is outthere, an answer to the questions of your heart will come eventually. Don’t stay in the darkness for too long, you may became a mole (cute but uou know…). Cheer up, put on your smile N.375 on and make a decision to be HAPPY!
Friends & family may try to help, but they can’t speed this process up; only support, love & wait. One should find answers in its own head & heart. Only than you will be truly satisfied with your decision – as you can’t blame anyone for making it for you haha. It’s important to know they are there  and you are not alone, let them know you are ok. Dont be under a pressure of satisfying everyone. Its all about you right now. Your loved ones are a worm sun shining above your dark forest:)

Dark passenger

All that talk about darkness, kind of reminds me of my beloved Dexter (my fav movie character of all times). Although his dark passenger never left him, he was more a companion than a feeling of gloominess. I leave Dexter to explain: “I’m not sure what I am. I just know there’s something dark in me. I hide it. I certainly don’t talk about it, but it’s there always, this Dark Passenger. And when he’s driving, I feel alive, half sick with the thrill of complete wrongness. I don’t fight him, I don’t want to. He’s all I’ve got. Nothing else could love me, not even… especially not me. Or is that just a lie the Dark Passenger tells me? Because lately there are these moments when I feel connected to something else… someone. It’s like the mask is slipping and things… people… who never mattered before are suddenly starting to matter. It scares the hell out of me.”

Oh, Dexter you will be a great topic!

“Why do so many people start their messages with, “It’s me”? Of course it is you. We all know that. But who the hell ARE you?” – Dexter Morgan. movie character

myMood song: The obvious choice that jumped into my mind was – Should I Stay Or Should I Go. Although I remember it being kind of faster & lauder :)

This song by the English punk rock band the Clash from album Combat Rock. Written in 1981 and released in 1982 – my birth year. It became the band’s only number-one single on the UK Singles Chart, and it was ranked “The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time & 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs.
“It wasn’t about anybody specific and it wasn’t pre-empting my leaving The Clash. It was just a good rockin’ song, our attempt at writing a classic… When we were just playing, that was the kind of thing we used to like to play.” – Mick Jones, Clash

*Infographic – Information graphics or infographics are graphic visual representations of information, data or knowledge intended to present information quickly and clearly. Read Wiki to find out more and check out the sample further down!

Still life can express just about anything… Choose STAY or GO? SAME or NEW? HOME or TRAVEL?
Feelings of Desperation photos are ready for you in a Creative(M)ess section.

Also check out this infographic from Coca Cola Campaign #ChooseHappiness :)


  1. This is so true! Love this piece as it talks from my heart. It’s all in you. It’s all you.
    So if you don’t like something, if you complain, if you are tired then look at yourself and give yourself the love you are missing from others. Don’t just sit in corner and pity yourself for not being successful in life or love. Go out and do something. Live today, live now!!

    Nice words Les thank you xx

    • Bilo says

      Oh thank you sweetie! Im glad it wasn’t just my mad talk :)) Its just so much easier to hide at home and be angry at the World! :) Thank you for being my friend & feeding my mind with an inspiration! xxx

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