Relationships, need to love OR be loved is driving us to strange places. Making us do unthinkable in the name of love. “Heart-troubles: When Mr. Right is not so Right” is my post to everyone who lost their way in hope of happiness & love.
After years of listening about my friend’s heart-troubles, I discovered a lot of similarities. Honestly I always though, that “grown-up” relationships will be much clearer & easier. Unfortunately they are not, quite the opposite. The older we are – the harder we are trying to hold on being our selves but in the same time be in relationship. Pretending to ignore the most obvious signs. The signs we would never ignore, when we were younger. When we were still sure there is plenty of fish in the sea.
“Plenty of fish in the sea.” – Unknown optimist
The older we get more anxious we are about relationships/marriage, and that makes us paralysed. Mostly – Women worries about future & children. Men worrying about career, enjoying their position or money they worked so hard for, while they are still young. Or other way around. The blame is never on one side, the combination of two crazy hearts is. Signs we use to underestimate & few stages you maybe experiencing.
Beginnings should be easy, endorphins prevents us from seeing the obvious.
- Everything is kind of convenient for her/him, not so for you (it’s for sure fun & exciting, but for some reason not so convenient, but who cares you are in Love, so how could you disappoint her/him? HAH Is she/he so keen when its other way around? Try it.)
- She/he can’t face own feelings (if she/he can’t tell you what bothers her/him, she/he will struggle with yours emotions a BIG TIME)
- She/he makes you feel bad about yourself, in anyway (diet, clothes, hobbies – it will spread & get worse)
- She/he stops you when you laughing TOO loud/long (there is no such a thing like too much laughter! Seriously.)
- She/he doesn’t love the way you see the world (that’s very important for both sides. I call it “being in love with her/his brain” – if it’s not there IT’S NEVER GOING TO WORK!)
- She/he is flirting with strangers even on your date (that constant need of talking to the opposite sex. Not being shy with compliments & double meanings, if you should show you dissatisfaction he calls you boring, unsociable & unable to relax and have fun. I mean…)
- She/he pushes you away when it comes to topics like – family, relationships OR anything remotely intimate
- She/he doesn’t take a pride in introducing you to the friends & family (although she/he already knows all of yours)
- Most of the time when you need a help, you hear: “I can’t right now!”
It’s hard to stay objective & think clearly when your heart is in it. But step back, reflect & love your self always a bit more than others.
- She/he doesn’t make your life any easier (When you hear – Why should pick you up? It’s too cold & late! Just come home already. When you do something nice for her/him, she/he is offended & makes sure that you know that she/he can do it too as she/he did million times before meting you! CHA What a useless feeling that is…)
- She/he easily transfer his bad ordeal on you, but once the situation turns she/he happily blocking you from such action (Usual story of you absorbing all bad emotions or stories & trying to bring positive light into the situation. While you are negative, pessimist when its your time to share some troubles.)
- She/he is a Drama Queen (For not apparent reason.)
- She/he can’t admit she/he needs you (The usual reaction is the you feel a constant need of proving she/he does, just to realise that she/he doesn’t. And she/he would laugh to you face if you admit that you tried. She/he doesn’t understand that need, she/he doesn’t need anyone.)
- She/he can’t face your little demons (The only thing we need to hear is a bit of assurance that everything is gonna be ok.)
- She/he makes you explain yourself all the time (That feeling when you feel like you met yesterday OR you are simply a complete lunatic.)
- No consistency in basics (The things you believe to be true one day are different the day after.)
- She/he is constantly being very observant & nice to your friends (BUT magically overlooks you.)
- She/he makes your doubt your believes/friends (Repeating that the only reason why others are so nice to you, is because they don’t know you very well, don’t live with you OR simply because they only want to fuck you)
- She/he has a magical power of ruining your good mood, instead of being positively affected by it
- She/he has no intention on planning future with you, but she/he is always keen to have a fun with you
- Complete uninterested in your stories, while enjoying same small-talks with friends
“Love your heart. Save your soul.” – Bilo
- Doubts about everything in your life.
- Isolation from fiends & family, while you trying to deal with all those emotions.
- Hate towards your partner, yourself & pretty much anyone who seems to be happy or in love.
- Loneliness, as you isolate your self from people or feelings. Attempt at self-preservation.
“Any relationship should be positive & enjoyable for at least 85% of the time!” – A friend
The famous last drop. After endless fights with no winner, we are lost in the arguments. Letting them get under our skin & suddenly becoming that weak, hysterical, pathetic person we hate so much. Here comes the point when one should realise – ENOUGH is ENOUGH! Get over it! Move on with your life, save the remains of the self-pride & walk away! A good friend once told me: “Any relationship should be positive & enjoyable for at least 85% of the time! Otherwise it’s not worth your life, time & energy.” It is maybe hard to see numbers when your heart is involved, but be truthful to your self & make the right move ASAP.
No Doubt – It’s My Life
When Mr. Right is not so Right
Be strong & walk away. Don’t even think about excuses like – We have a dog, project, house OR even a child, together! When it comes to the matter of self-respect, sanity & inner love, everything else go aside! And don’t try to pretend that you can build a happy home & life while being unhappy inside! Sorry for shouting at you :) but I watched too many of my friends suffering & let myself disappear in these fights for love. Being single doesn’t mean to be alone & sad. Being single just mean loving yourself & being strong enough to walk it trough the life alone. Look ahead to the future, stay positive, keep your-self busy & enjoy what universe will bring you next.
I simply love this campaign from Match.com, as this is exactly how I imagine it. The true relationship can only work with someone who sees true you, who understands & in whose eyes you are always the best creature in the whole world. When you both love your imperfections, that’s when you’ve found your Ms./Mr. Right. Read also my post – What is LOVE?
That’s the way I see it, if you feel differently, leave a comment, I would love to hear from you guys! Thanks for your time! Stay strong & positive! Love you Xxx