Addictions, Body&Mind, Fornicating, Love, Relationship, Self-esteem, Wondering
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So Merry and Happy…

Media are presenting Xmas & New Year as a happiest time of the year. Perfect image of happy family get-together with children playing by the fire. The time full of laughter & presents under gorgeous Xmas tree in a house covered in decorations & snow. Is it all so Merry and Happy?

Festive season

Xmas markets, parties & decorations are only a start of crazy festive season. Consumed by celebrating, shopping & cooking madness we all looked forward to the big day. But when the day came, it felt like all that magic & spark remained there on Oxford street in London. The place of sparks, sales & sweet Mariah is whispering to your ear: “All I Want For Christmas Is You…”.

Why is that? Why all the excitement disappears as a snowflake at the sun? Media picture is so deep in our minds, we are unable to comprehend & deal with anything less. So ready to enjoy, receive & be happy… but somehow it wasn’t there.

Love my parents, home-food & presents… but back in Slovakia, the cheer & festive mood were missing. :( Instead of festive mood, I felt festive depression :D Consumed by stress, worries, complainers, stupid questions & negative remarks. Felt empty & alone. Something was missing… and not only the snow. Darkness & fog covered everything. Not Xmasy atmosphere what so everrrr. Where is old good real European winter – white crispy white snow, bright sun & clear freezing air…?

God’s birthday

God brings nations together & turns others apart. Celebration of God’s child bringing wisdom & love to the Earth. Not all of us believe in it. Not all of us wish to celebrate God, but simply have nice time, favourite food & enjoy “your kind of people”. Unfortunately religion is sometimes quite pushy & makes us feel uncomfortable. I believe that despite our believes we should all enjoy Xmas time, our way.

Surrounded by family & friends

The largest family event of the year, makes me think of my family back in Ukraine. How for last 24 years we were unable to reunite. How those old ones disappear one by one… Feel lonely while friends are busy with relatives for days…

Many people spent these days alone. So I shouldn’t be complaining, but for the past 5 years there was only one person I wished to share my Xmas with. The person which didn’t felt the same way. I was weak & blind by hoping it will change one day. Instead of happy-ending, I wasted my time, time I should-be enjoying with my parents. I was worrying, down & feeling incomplete… how selfishly childish of me. To spent all that energy on someone who could never give it back. Feel weak & ashamed.


Thanks God for friends. Three of my oldest friends, made me realised over last few days, that I shouldn’t let others to let me down. That my path is good. They brought back my smile & positivity. I’m so grateful! Thank you guys for being my friends & for being so patient listeners :) Love you!

Getting older never bothered me. Don’t feel old or unattractive, but suddenly more alone, as everyone are getting busy with their partners, own families, children. Feels like Im on wrong platform & just watching everyone getting on the train, train with no place for me. Moving around all my life made me happy & fortunate to see amazing places & met incredible people. The only downside is that I didn’t managed to find companion who will share my love for life. Lonely observer. Well one day perhaps… :)

All I want for Xmas is…

All I want for Xmas is a peace in my heart & clear mind. To enjoy this time of year for real! Travel far far away may help to find my self & make my heart whole again. So my wish is to have Merry & Happy time the way we wished for! HoHoHo :)

Complaining & imaginary problems are Slovakian hobby. In the moment of weakness I allowed others to plant those unhappy thoughts into my head. All that melancholy & talking about: Giving up, Surrender, Retreat! No, no it isn’t me! These are not my words. I would not let you poison me! Im a fighter, so I shell fight!

“Spartans never retreat!
Spartans never surrender!”
– King Leonidas from film 300

End of festive depression!

Work. Gym. Fun. Repeat – that’s best daily routine. Activities that fill brain & body with positivity, adrenalin & energy! Absence of those dismantled me… piece by piece. But its time to fight this melancholy. The fog & darkness is gone! Sun is shining again! Energy flows through my body again! How Master Yoda would say: “Problem I sense. Disturbance in the force. Serotonin addict I’m.”

First New year resolutions:

1. Don’t let others get to you!
2. Do what makes you happy, no matter where you are & how crazy it seems!
More about resolutions, goals & motivation inn my next post :)

Be happy & enjoy the rest of the year guys :) Thx for your time. Xxx

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